They Call Me Mrs. Freeze

I read a thought provoking article last night in Relevant Magazine. It spoke about the once I Kissed Dating Goodbye craze among church youth groups and young people, a book made popular when I was a teen authored by Joshua Harris. The mag's article shared some of the pitfalls of kissing dating goodbye much of what I could relate. It was a great concept to forgo the dating scene while I was in high school so I could not fall into temptation and remain pure and even in college so I could focus on my studies. But. . . I have been out of high school for 6 years now and out of college for a year and a half. . .

It was not really in high school that I so much as said goodbye to dating as I just couldn't get a date. Shy, smart, obsessed with boy bands and plagued with acne, I was lucky to not get made fun of. In college, I began to garner some attention from the opposite sex - mostly just friends though.

These days are slim pickins. Right Theodore? (Theodore is my beloved cat sitting next to me as I type.) There are no cute single guys it seems where I live yet at the same time all of my girl friends are either married or engaged. I feel lost. Alone. And wronged by a book that taught me to say goodbye to dating because at age 24 and having only been on 3 official dates ever (2 of whom I did the asking - 1 to a wedding and the other to an event) and never having been in a real relationship, I am left wondering. I held so strongly to the doctrine held within the paperback's 200-something pages. Postpone serious relationships like Song of Solomon warns 3 times to not "stir nor awaken love until it pleases." Well, it pleases now.

What the book failed to mention is that it is hard to know how to act around men for now grown women who were raised embracing this mentality. I don't have brothers. My one male friend growing up was 6 years younger than I.

I think I realized just how much this has stunted me today. I have been getting much attention from men lately. Sadly they all seem old enough to be my father. Promises of trips to Jamaica and dinner have been offered to me. I am nice to them but just keep on going. Sometimes I allow them to believe I am engaged while hiding my bare ring finger as I speak.

So finally, and I mean FINALLY there was a cute young man about my age whom (I could be wrong) seemed interested in me. He just gave off these vibes that he wanted to know more about me. I played it cool. I was calm, collected and even flirty the few times we spoke. This was my prayer about him lately:

Dear God, you know there has NEVER been a cute guy whom I have actually been attracted to that seemed interested in me before. Before it has always been the old men or wierdos or unattractive guys or druggies who I shouldn't have anything to do with anyways. God, please!!!!!
Let him ask me out if he feels there is anything between us!

Well, today I blew it. I saw this particular good looking guy today. He was flirty. I was cold. In our final moments together today as we were speaking, I kid you not, every muscle in my body was tight and my neck was burning and I literally felt pain. In fact, my shoulders still hurt and are tense. He seemed to kind of linger as if he wanted to talk more. I just couldn't do it. I froze. I put up a no fly zone sign and sent him packing. He left. I could tell what he was possibly leading up to and because I had never experienced that before - a guy I was actually attracted to was actually interested in me - I froze and shut down and shot him down. Poor guy. Come back!

Now what do I do? While I am a firm believer in many of the principles of Joshua Harris's I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I can't help but sit here right now feeling like kicking myself really hard in the you know where and like I was wronged. There has got to be another way.

Joshua, fix this epidemic!

. . . At least I have my Theodore. My kitty is the true love of my life.