Another Lesson Learned

I have a difficult time making friends and keeping them. I hate small talk and despise shallowness making it hard for me to get through the preliminary getting-to-know-you stages. I have very few people I would consider friends more than acquaintances and my sister and parents are definitely those closest to me. However, I do have a very small number of friends and even fewer I consider close and I have been able to open up and share with. Other than those, I don't generally trust people, especially with knowing details of my life. Once again, I don't like small talk so for me there is nothing to talk about unless it is a deeper, more meaningful topic which is why I am very selective with whom I associate.

Well, I have learned another lesson. I suppose I need to be even more careful in the future. Today 2 close friends are now being moved back to the acquaintance circle. I don't have a best friend. Can I say I really ever had one? Looking back on who I thought was, I can now honestly say no. I wish I had a best friend. Living my life inside this oyster is so lonely.

Excerpt from my new book!

Well, I really am writing a book! I have a good start on the first chapter down. It is going to be good. I am excited! The working title is Like a Pearl and it is a comparison to daily wisdom, lessons learned and such to pearls and the process by which they are formed.

Here is an excerpt of what I have thus far. Let me know what you think!

One day at work I noticed a bright neon yellow butterfly that was folded and lying motionless on the sidewalk. I felt bad for the beautiful creature. Over the next couple of days I noticed how every time I stepped outside the butterfly was still in the same lifeless position on the ground. On the fourth day, though, the butterfly was nowhere to be found. Instead what I saw were scattered pieces of neon yellow broken and crushed into the sidewalk.

This scenario caused me to start thinking about butterflies and their life spans. Butterflies were not always butterflies, they started as caterpillars. Caterpillars are not very attractive creatures with their furry bodies and how they slowly creep about with their hundreds of legs. They give me the eebie jeebies! I remember in children's church when I was growing up a familiar lesson on being born again was the life change of a caterpillar undergoing metamorphosis to become a butterfly. Jesus can take your ugliness and turn you into a pure and beautiful new creation was the object of the lesson. As I thought more about the neon yellow butterfly I watched over the course of a week go from being lifeless to being crushed it became clearer to me there is a deeper significance to this lesson. Yes, when we become born again Jesus does make us like new but when we are baby Christians we are fragile and easily hurt -- just like a fragile butterfly.

Friends, I need to tell you that the Lord wants you to grow and mature and move past that stage. I do not believe the Lord ever intended to have us remain a like a butterfly. Butterflies are fragile and are easily crushed. The Lord wants to make us strong and through Him we are more than conquerors. I recently heard Joyce Myer say that sometimes the Lord allows us to go through trials that we think are attacks of the devil but are really experiences he has decided to keep us in to test us and put us through the fire. Think about a pearl. Pearls are strong, unbreakable and rare.

The process by which a pearl is formed is not glamorous by any means. A pearl is formed over a period of years as an oyster forms layers of nacre around an irritant that got stuck inside the shell. The little oyster had to go through agony and pain to create something so beautiful. Sisters, there is beauty in the pain. It is not time to check out now. I believe the Lord wants to bring us to the next level - He wants to make us like a pearl.

More on Chris Tomlin

I wrote this last night:

Ever since I recently found out 37-year old multi-Dove award-winning Christian artist Chris Tomlin was still single, I have not been able to get the question of "why?!" out of my head. The possibilities (of course he is single because of God's will for his life) of why this good looking, amazing man of God, singer/songwriter/musician who is pushing forty is still single just astounds me and scares me too. 1) Why is he still single? This guy is amazing! I know the reason definitely isn't that there aren't any willing women who are strong in their faith and would be a good wife for him. Didn't you know? Good looking, Christian men of God in the body of Christ are on a major shortage. Yep, there are three women to every one man in the church.

I was watching video footage of him on his website. I wasn't paying much attention to his words as his I was his eyes. Jesus said the eyes are the window to the soul. His ran of deep waters. I've never before seen anyone who had such love in his eyes. It was so intense that though I was watching him on a computer screen I had to turn my gaze from his eyes. It was like he was truly the embodiment of 2 Corinthians 3:18.

If anything, he has given me more hope that to whatever age the Lord makes me remain single there will still be single and amazing men of God around. It also makes me aim even higher with my standards. I want a man that is on the same playing field and the same caliber as greats like Chris Tomlin, Michael W. Smith or Jeremy Camp.

I hope the Lord blesses Chris and his long wait proves to have been well worth it.

2 Corinthians 3:18 (King James Version)
18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Random Thought

I seriously have the hardest time grasping how such an amazing musician and man of God Chris Tomlin is and the horrendous fact that he is still single. Yep, you see, my friends, as I grow into this amazing woman of God and talented writer, it really leaves me feeling kind of worried. . . but at the same time hopeful--it proves that are still some good men out there for the taking.

:P

Pissed at the Rays

Well, who am I supposed to marry now?! The Rays traded Scott Kazmir to the Angels out in California. There goes my dreams of accidentally running into him at a restuarant in Port Charlotte during Spring Training.

I am not happy. First they take away my Rocco, next they take away my Scotty. Who will it be next? Evan? BJ? Ugh, just let me alone.

Can Somebody Please Tell Me What Is Wrong With Me?!

Can somebody please tell me what is wrong with me?! This is a rhetorical question, by the way. I am not seeking advice or even encouragement. People have tried but it really has not been very helpful. My life sucks. That's about it. I am just a reject. Plain and simple.

I got turned down for yet another job. . quite possibly my dream job and it was entry level! How the [edit] am I supposed to get experience to get even an entry level job in my field if no company will even give me a chance????

I HATE this [edit] economy! I am serious when I say I am about an inch away from ripping my degree to shreds. It is just a piece of paper and 4 1/2 wasted years.

I was asked out today. . .

A much older man asked me out again today. In fact, this is the 4th time he has asked me out. He told me he is so happy when he is around me, I am like an angel, I have a sweet heart. He was sincere. He was so sweet and completely serious. I must say he certainly has guts to ask me out 4 times now to be (nicely) rejected. I always let him think I am engaged. Today was no different. While hiding my bare ring finger, I had to remind him again I already have someone. I wasn't lying completely. I was speaking my fiance into existence through faith. I felt bad letting him down. He seemed so crushed. I know how it is to like someone so much who a) does not know you exist and b) does not like you back. I don't ever want to hurt anyone in the way I've been hurt by rejection. . .